Bellas Mama asked:


Me & my husband are currently separated but are going to marriage therapy with the goal of getting back together. In my therapy I realized that I was always the person after the fight to try to be amicable and mature regardless of how bad of a fight or who was at fault. He doesn’t have it in him to be the “bigger person” as far as taking responsibility for his actions or acting remotely sorry. He tends to stay pist of at me for a long time if I don’t break the ice with him first. I used to ask him for apologies but now I realize that its pointless because it if isn’t from him naturaly I couldn’t accept an apology any other way. Well what hurts me is that he can say some pretty horrible things and then when I react to him by being hurt he holds a grudge on me even though he started it. So he told me not to expect him 2 apologize to me because he is selfish and in the heat of the moment or even the next day he probably still won’t. Is this a deal breaker if we stay together?
I personally do apologize to him whenever I do something I regret. Because I feel like if I don’t its stating that I meant what I did or said. I understand people need to cool down and all but to say that your just not the type of person to do that I don’t know if I can deal with that. When the fights get ugly I am level headed and I talk with a normal tone of voice and do not use profanity even when he has crossed the line. I feel like if I haven’t have always been the peace maker we might already be divorced. Now that I want to change that and put the ball more in his court its like hes admitting he will not do what I have always done even sometimes. I do not expect perfection and I have no problem admitting my faults in our problems or to him but for him its extremely diffacult. So I don’t know what to do now. We have a two year child to make matters more complicated. Please help:(